We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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