He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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