i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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