you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
