There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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