You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
