Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize