drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
