Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
