New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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