Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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