You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
