I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
