Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
