google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
