Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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