Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
