I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
