dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He better not be in your backpack
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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