You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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