Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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