So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
