If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
