We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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