My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
