I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
