i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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