He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
