Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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