its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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