She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
