I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
