I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
