Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
