Don't you send me to vm
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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