Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
