It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
