We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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