i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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