i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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