Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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