I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
