Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
