I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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