I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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