You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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