He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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