Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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