Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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