So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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