Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So much rum. So many feels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
