Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
