Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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