We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
