Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
