The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
