if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
