i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
