My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
