Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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