New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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