Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
