I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
