you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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