I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
two words...techno handjob
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
