Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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