you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
