I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
