I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
