is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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