Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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