Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize