I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
