Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
