Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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